You Deserve More Than BreadcrumbsOct 25, 2021
Breadcrumbs. Some would define this as a series of connected pieces of information, while others might say it’s what’s leftover.
Me? I’d go with the latter.
The lonely princess ate the crumbs because someone told her she wasn’t enough—she didn’t deserve the whole slice. She was worthy of eating when and only when her sisters had finished. After hearing it for long enough, she started to believe it. She took the breadcrumbs without hesitation, without ever fighting for more, and she ate them agreeably.
The wife took the breadcrumbs instead of the full-fledged, deep, understanding love that she deserved from her partner because everyone told her she was lucky. She went to sleep lonely because she was afraid to share her feelings with someone who would never understand. She avoided arguments because they never got her anywhere, never any closer to connected. But at the end of the day, despite how many breadcrumbs she got, she was still empty—she was still hungry.
The mother took the breadcrumbs too. She allowed her decisions to protect herself and her children to be the reason she was judged. She’s not one to tell her side of the story or build an army in her favor, so she doesn’t. She accepted the blame for the sake of her children’s future. She stayed quiet about the lies, threats, and drugs to protect her children from a broken home. She worked within those walls to offer grace and sacrifice her dreams for an unforgiving reality. She’s not perfect—far from it, but she tries hard. She does the best she can every morning, every night, and every moment in between. She does all of this for the children she carried, delivered, and continues to raise. She took the breadcrumbs because they were better than being a single mom again.
The daughter took the breadcrumbs instead of the unconditional love she was entitled to. She told herself that some love, even contingent on something, was better than no love at all. She cried at night because she felt like she wasn’t loved or wanted. Even among siblings, she felt alone, and little did she know it would carry through into adulthood. She said to herself something that never left her mind. “As long as I do what they want, they will love me,” and the conditional love they gave her would continue, and breadcrumbs would hold her over until tomorrow.
The friend took the breadcrumbs as they came, day by day, recognizing that her friends were busy too. She believed that even a text or call only when they needed something was better than no text at all. She told herself it was her fault because she never asked them to be there—she never asked for them to listen. She never picked up the phone and called everyone sharing her side of the heartbreak. She never got their validation because she never asked for it. She was strong, or so they thought, so she didn’t need it. Sometimes she, too, offered only breadcrumbs, so she understood.
The business owner took the breadcrumbs because she was so desperate to find and keep good employees. She was the last to get paid, the last to accept any credit for her work, and the last to fill her own cup. She took the blame, assumed the role of the villain, and sat in silence because, as a business owner, that was the expectation. She was called names when she used her power and called weak when she used compassion. She was perpetually caught in the middle and felt like she could never win regardless of what she did [or didn’t do]. The breadcrumbs left her hungry and resentful, but she had a business to run, bills to pay, and a family to provide for. At the end of the day, she was tired, so she accepted complacency and comfort instead of what she deserved.
The girlfriend, new to a relationship, took the breadcrumbs because she deserved more than what she had. She feared failure, loathed pity, and was too tired to fight for herself, so she let all the little things go. She closed her eyes to the red flags, and before she knew it the relationship was no longer new, and the bullshit was getting old. She took the breadcrumbs initially because they were better than what she was used to. She took the breadcrumbs now because she was afraid of what the next ones might look like.
Never for a second did she see that she was worth more than just the leftovers.
She wondered what life would look like any other way, but she couldn’t. Would it be a relationship that was built with honesty and respect? Would it look like a sought-after love that’s actually unconditional—the freedom that would come along with being herself, making mistakes, but still being loved anyway? Is that it? Maybe it’s being respected, although perhaps not always liked? Maybe it’s simply giving and receiving grace because, after all, she is, we are, all human.
We get stuck in a cycle of unhealthy life patterns, constantly forgoing what we deserve.
We forget the deep desire we have for something more than the leftovers and settle for the breadcrumbs instead.
And we need to stop. We need to ask ourselves why. We need to self-reflect. We need to see the warning signs and the red flags and ask ourselves what we’re settling for. Whether we’re a wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend, we have needs, and we should never have to silence them. If we’re a business owner, we should never be made to feel ashamed for our ambition, and accepting the breadcrumbs should never be an option.
If anything, here sounds familiar to you; read this aloud, maybe even a few times. And most importantly. Believe it. Every. Single. Word of it.
Ask yourself what breadcrumbs you’re being given and what you’re going to do about it. Ask yourself what you’re worthy of and remember:
You can make mistakes.
You can be forgiven.
You are allowed to have an opinion.
You deserve people in your life who love you.
You are in control of your environment.
You are enough.
You are more than enough.
You deserve more than the leftovers.
You deserve more than the breadcrumbs.
Now, read that again and go fight for the whole slice.
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